Liberals Rename ALL 32 NFL Teams!
A certain NFL team has been under a lot of fire recently because of a supposed offensive name. We here at The Morlock Revolt thought that we would give liberals the opportunity to rename all
32 NFL teams. In one way or another they’re going to offend someone. So we have here today Kyle. Say Hi Kyle.
Kyle: Hello, I am Kyle Peeleft and I am the Senior Fellow at Senior Fellows Matter for America. I am also a Senior Analyst for Analyzing Senior Fellows in the field of Senior Fellows.
Matt: That seems redundant.
Kyle: We’re very important.
Matt: Ok Kyle why don’t you tell us and our readers what you and your team of “senior fellows” have come up with for liberal renames of the NFL teams.
Kyle: Oh we will, and they’re not just suggestions. This is really going to happen. Just like how we got Rush Limbaugh off the air, we will rename these teams!
Matt: But Rush is still on the air.
Kyle: Shut up you’re a racist! Let’s start with The AFC East! Stupid Racist Bigot.
New England Patriots:
Ugh, the Patriots?! Are you kidding me? Right off the top we have a jingoistic name that exhibits the ugly pro-Americanism that has destroyed this country and look at the mascot! A tea party guy that holds a gun and shoots peaceful British people. No! This team needs a true hero for it’s mascot! What better way to recognize the true heroism of these non-aggressive non-combatants then by giving them a team. So give it up for your new NEW ENGLAND UN PEACEKEEPERS!
New York Jets
Jets are dirty fuel guzzling and carbon outputting piece of capitalistic garbage! That is just down right scary for New Yorkers and Americans. If New Yorkers really like to be scared then they should be scared by something that is truly terrifying, like Diabetes and heart disease. The number one cause of these diseases is as we all know Global Warming and 40oz Big Gulp Drinks. We can’t really incorporate both so let me introduce you to the NEW YORK BIG GULPS
Dolphins are a gentle noble creature that has no place being in a violent environment like football. So the true heroes of the Dolphin are their compassionate protectors that fight for their rights as intelligent members of Mother Earth. We owe a debt of gratitude to these men and women that annoy fishing vessels everyday on the front lines. MIAMI GREENPEACE